state of flux

Being in a state of flux seems to be my new normal.

If cancer has ever hit your family, you know what I mean when I say that you are simply at its’ mercy.

I have learned that making no concrete plans is the only best plan and if truth be told, it’s not all that bad.

The not making plans part, I mean.

It’s forced me to be more present in the present instead of obsessing about future events I can’t control. I’ve learned to deal with things as they occur, good and bad, on the daily. And if I get one important thing done during my day, I call it a “successful” day.

I never thought I would become one of those “living in the moment” folks but here I am now…wondering how I transitioned into this mindset without realizing it.

Are you a “live in the moment” type of person?

M

Smells like September

As much as I am a summer girl, I do love fall.

Even more than the new year, September always gives me a sense of renewal and inspiration, as if brand new opportunities and fresh starts are ripe for the taking.

The crispness of the air, children gathered on street corners waiting for school buses, the smell of new stationary and pens…

When I was a kid, I looked forward to going back to school as it was a nice change from being home all summer with not much to do…

Funny enough, I don’t long to go back to those days but I’m not too keen on the ones I am having now either so I’ll take whatever good I can get. My only plan for the next few weeks is to get my newsletter sorted out after procrastinating for so long.

What will your September hold?

“When I’m Bad, I’m Better”

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https://pixabay.com/en/girl-motorcycle-feet-sexy-760004/

Like I said in my last post, creating some character profiles is on my list of to-dos.

I’m thinking that Ella would be a good character to tackle first.

What do you think? 🙂 

M xoxo

*REPOST – previous comments will appear*

*Slightly MATURE CONTENT*

It was dark and past 2am but I knew it was Jake from the way his jeans hugged the back of his ass.

Hot Jake.

He was just sitting there at the back exit of the club, straddling a big, powerful motorcycle between his legs and seeing him poised like that gave me vivid images of him between mine.

Sizzling hot Jake.

Illuminated by the glow of the street lamp, Jake was waiting for someone and that someone was definitely me.

Since I’d rescued him from that nasty beat down and I’d helped him mend, I hadn’t spoken to him or returned his texts. I knew that he’d been sniffing around the club a few times over the past few weeks, trying to bump into me but I purposely hadn’t given him the chance.

Sure, I’d seen him from backstage and the girls had been quick to tell me that he’d been asking about me. But I decided to let him simmer and stew. He could continue trying to chase me down until I was good and ready to be caught.

If Jake really wanted to see me, he’d find a way to come and get me. And as usual, I was right. Waiting for me to surface from the back exit after work was his way of making things happen.

Smart sizzling hot Jake.

Before Jake could notice me, I put my game face on, shook my hair out of its ponytail and just for the fun of it, I unbuttoned an extra button from my top to reveal a little extra skin. Then I walked right past him.

“Gabriella.”

His thick deep voice immediately made my lady bits tingle and I knew that my plan to make him work for it wouldn’t last very long. I stopped, turned slowly and pretended to be surprised.

“Gabriella, where have you been hiding?”

“Hiding isn’t my style. I’m just a busy girl Jake.”

“Too busy to spare a few minutes of your time for me?”

Jake raked back on the bike and folded his arms, a smile spreading across his face.

“That all depends. Right now, I’m a busy girl who is very tired and needs to go to bed.”

As I started to walk away, Jake outstretched his hand and slowly held me back by the elbow. Of course, I let him stop me. I was looking forward to that smile being my downfall.

“Now that sounds like a good idea.”Jake’s voice oozed with heat and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Hop on and let me give you a ride. It’s too dark for you to be walking alone. This is not exactly the best of neighborhoods.”

“If you haven’t noticed, I can handle myself quite well Jake.”

I placed my hands on my hips and tilted my head to the side, knowing that my hair would fall seductively over the side of my face. It was a move that always succeeded in getting me what I wanted to have.

Jake’s eyes immediately slowly slid over the length of my body, down to the tips of my French manicured toes, back up to my ample cleavage and then rested on my mouth. When Jake ran his tongue over his lips, I knew that it was involuntary and exactly what he was thinking. I wanted to do the same.

“I’m more than capable of handling you Gabriella.”

Yummy, yum, yum. This man could definitely get me to…

“I’m not so sure about that. Only time will tell if I decide to give you the time of day.”

Jake shook his head and let go of my arm.

“You are bad girl Gabriella.”

“Well, when I’m good, I’m bad and when I’m bad, I’m better…”

“Is that what you say about yourself?”

Now it was turn to fold my arms and shake my head.

“No, but that’s what other people say about me. Life is so much more interesting when I’m bad”.

“So you’re refusing to take my ride?” Jake asked again. He was making me all sorts of hot and making me want some not-so-innocent fun.

“What type of ride are you offering me?” I asked, getting close enough to smell his cologne.

“Gabriella, I didn’t mean it like that,” Jake said, suddenly looking a little embarrassed that I had sexified his words. He shifted uncomfortably on the bike seat. “I was just joking around.”

I’m not joking.”

I let my bag fall to the ground and my fingers found themselves gathering up the oversized white shirt that hid my short skirt. I almost cracked up at his shocked expression as he stared down at what my fingers were doing. Before Jake could wrap his head around what was happening, I threw a leg over the bike and straddle it just like him. The only difference was that I made sure to face him so that we were up close and very personal. Face to face, bodies just inches apart.

I placed both of my palms on his chest to balance myself and inched my body a little closer, thinking how strong his muscles felt through his shirt. Then, I slipped my arms around his waist and crushed my chest against his.

Don’t look for what you thought you wanted to find… unless you know that you can handle it,” I purred into his ear. “But if this is the kind of ride you’re offering Jake, I’ll gladly take it…If you can handle me.”

(follow-up to “Naughty Girls Need Love Too.”)

Did you enjoy this little story? I hope that you did. As a writer who aspires to self-publish, building an email list of readers interested in my fiction is very, very important (at least, that’s what the experts say). If you enjoy my fiction, signing up for my monthly newsletter would support me tremendously. Feel free to sign up for MAILING LIST right here. M  xoxo

©2016-2017 Marquessa Matthews. All Rights Reserved.

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World Building

Photo by iCapture Studios on Pexels.com

If I’m not “writing” right now, I figure that I can at least do some world and character building in the meanwhile.

I learned a few interesting tidbits while I was doing all that reading on “writing”… like how some authors worldbuild on Pinterest.

I have no interest in spreading myself out beyond my blog so my plan is to create a Page dedicated to a few of my characters with a few visuals and background snippets for each of them.

For example, the visual above is a good representation of a character that has been dancing in my head for years.

It will give me something easy to do while I am sitting around in hospital waiting rooms, right?

Stay tuned for that Page.

M xoxo

Analysis Paralysis

I should have had something published by now but I don’t.

At one point, I was on the right track and had overcome the insecurity I had had about my writing abilities but somewhere along the way, I did a stupid, stupid, stupid thing…

I had the *wonderful* idea of immersing myself in how-to outline articles, writing software and self-publishing which slowly led into a state of analysis paralysis when it came to actually writing.

Coupled with a 9-5, day to day responsibilities and our mutual enemy called Covid, well all of that led to less writing and then no writing at all.

Forcing myself to write was a lost cause and though a few writing challenges got the juices flowing, I’m still not where I would like to be with my “fiction”.

Like I said in my last post, burning a few things down will help me overcome writing analysis paralysis and create room for some newness.

I’ve slowly been taking this approach in my personal life – it’s been slow progress but at least there has been progress.

I’m no longer sure if self-publishing is one of my first goals. I’ve been seeing alternatives to self-publishing whereby I could still share my writing and have others enjoy it but more to come on that at another time.

On that note, have yourself an awesome week!

Bisous,

M xoxo

burning it all down

You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one. Burn it.

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I feel like burning it all down and starting anew.

Or maybe not starting at all.

These days, I often find myself questioning the worthiness of things…

“Does this mean much to me?”

“Do I need this in my life?”

“Is this situation benefiting me?”

Before, if the answer revolved around a “no”, I would still hang in with excuses of “uh, no but [*insert stupid justification here*].

Now, I find myself simply eliminating whatever it is from my life without hesitation, whether it be small like deleting a bunch of contacts from my cell that no longer need to be there or the 20+ year old car that served me well but now needs to be donated to charity.

Even this blog space may need a partial “burning down” of sorts…

Do you ever feel like you could discard everything you own and simply start over?

Eating cake

My last blog post spoke to “Life is short. Take the trip. Buy the shoes. Eat the cake.”

I had plans to take time and “eat the cake” in a number of boring small ways, like maximizing summer by taking my office “outside”, sprucing up my parent’s backyard since Covid has made them housebound for so long and simply taking time to get a bunch of important but random stuff since the world seems to be opening back up.

But none of that matters anymore, not even writing.

Right now, the only thing I care about is “eating cake” and as much of it as I can with one person.

What a difference a few weeks make.

And in those few weeks, I’ve learned things I didn’t care to learn, like how to use the brakes on a wheelchair, streamline a medication protocol to avoid confusion and what to look for in a power lift assist recliner when sleeping in a bed is problematic.

Friends, this is a friendly reminder that life can change in an instant.

And when they do, your true priorities become crystal clear.