Tales From The Mat

tales from the mat



A few weeks ago, I am chatting with a friend of mine and mid-conversation, she says, “So you registered for one of those fitness bootcamp courses?”

I am shocked.

“How did you know that?” I hadn’t told anyone that I had registered. You see, if no one knew that I had signed up, no one would know if I dropped out along the way. Smart, right?

“I saw it on Facebook.”

F***. Not smart at all.

That’s when I remember …clicking on the company’s website that redirected me to register via their Facebook site so the Starlight Children’s Foundation would receive an automatic donation .

The joke is on me.

Week #1 – Session 2

“For everyone who is not new to Bootcamp, I want you to push yourself for this next round of burpees! Let’s go, let’ go, let’s go!”

I try my best to follow along but there is no way this side of hell that I will remotely achieve the smooth flow of Mrs. Over Zealous next to me.

I’m not doing burpees. I am playing a sad and weird variation of Twister all by myself. And because I stand out like a sore thumb, the female instructor’s head turns towards me.

Oh no, she’s looking in my direction. Do not make eye contact, do not make eye contact!

Too late.

“For yooooou, try doing this version instead,” she says, being helpful and showing me a less strenuous version of the exercise. The instructor doesn’t deserve all the profanity-laced thoughts running through my head as I look at her bubbly smile.

Can’t you just ignore me so that I can struggle on my own?

Of course, I said this in my inside voice.

Week #2 – Session 3

“Okay folks! Time to pick up your kettlebells! Does anyone here NOT have a kettlebell? If you don’t, I have a few extras tonight,” the male instructor yells over the music.

Even if I could raise my arm, I refuse to raise my arm and I pretend that English is not my first language.

Now why would I try this exercise with a kettlebell when I can barely do it with empty hands?

I start doing the exercise pretending that I am holding one and wait for him to bust me.

“Good form Marquessa! How about we add a little extra weight?”

“How about we not?”

When he smiles and the rest of the class laughs, I realize that I wasn’t using my inner voice.

Oh well.

Images and content ©2015 Marquessa Matthews. All Rights Reserved.


21 thoughts on “Tales From The Mat

  1. “Even if I could raise my arm, I refuse to raise my arm and I pretend that English is not my first language.”

    this cracked me up big time! hahaha! good luck on your boot camp. thinking out loud most of the time gets me in big trouble. 😀

    Liked by 2 people

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