“Keep On Walkin'”
(video embedded below)
Don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t it…
Just as I was about to get sucked into the vortex of Matt’s sad puppy dog eyes and Juan’s teary eyed look, it all hit me like a ton of bricks.
I wasn’t obliged to make a decision about giving Matt a second chance, on the spot and under such pressure. I just needed to do what was best – for me.
“I’ll think about it.”
Matt’s eyes grew large and Juan kicked me under the table as if to change my mind.
“You…you’ll think about it?”
“Yes …because you might have been right about not getting too serious.”
“I’m not following you Lily…” Matt was clearly confused. “What are you saying?”
“I love you,” I said and saw his face light up, “But I need time. I need to make sure that you are the right man for me and to do that, I need to see who else is out there for the next while. While I do that, you can do the same.”
The words tumbling from my lips didn’t feel like they were coming from me. But they were. An awkward silence veiled the table. Matt was looking at me like I’d grown a third eye.
Not being able to take the drama anymore, Juan hastily wrapped the rest of his brownies in a napkin, muttered something about needing to be somewhere and disappeared from the pastry shop.
“Just before we met at that party, I’d posted a profile on Match but then, I took it down after our third date. But I’m thinking about giving the online thing a chance… at least for the next few months.”
Matt shook his head and clenched his hands. He was visibly upset.
“Months? Come on babe, are you honestly going to do that me? Is this your way of punishing me?”
“No, not at all. I need to be sure about what and who I want in my future. I need to protect myself.”
I didn’t answer. We stared at each other for a few moments before he gave me a frustrated yet determined look.
“I won’t accept that…I just won’t.”
“You don’t have a choice Matt.”
That’s when another flash of worry crossed his face.
“But what about my sister’s wedding this weekend? You’re just going to bail? What am I supposed to tell Mariah and the rest of my family?”
I had completely forgotten that Mariah, Matt’s sister had specifically invited me to hang out as she and her bridesmaids got dressed.
“Please Lily, don’t do this now. You have to go. After the wedding, we can talk again about all of this, okay?”
On one hand, I didn’t want to disappoint and distract Mariah with our lover’s drama. But on the other hand, I needed to draw a line in the sand with Matt.
The wheels in my brain churned, turned and burned…
“Fine. I’ll go but we won’t be going as a couple Matt. And there is nothing to rediscuss after the wedding…”
“Whatever you say Lily.”
From the way Matt’s lips curled into a small smile and his eyes twinkled at his tiny victory, I somehow knew I would regret it.
Matt stood up and shoved his hands into his pockets.
“Mariah will be getting ready at my folks place so I’ll pick you up and give you a ride there.”
“No, I said that…” I was soon talking to empty air because Matt vanished before I could finish my sentence.
Yeah, I’m going to regret saying yes to this mess…Why didn’t I just tell him to keep on walking?
All Rights Reserved©2016 Marquessa Matthews.
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