Photo credit: Frank de Kleine via Foter.com / CC BY
Continued from “Kissing A Fool”
My mother might have been a bitch when she was drunk but she left me with a variety of brutally honest advice before disappearing on us.
Never love a man more than he loves you or he’ll fuck you over each and every time.
Money is control. Always have your own goddamn cash or you’ll always be a man’s bitch.
Men are like dog shit, hard on the surface and soft in the middle.
Yeah, mi madre was a fucking goldmine of maternal advice and today I had decided to put one piece of advice into action.
If something’s gonna hurt Gabriella, don’t pull the band-aid off slow, just fuckin’ rip it off and get it over with.
Ready or not, I was going to tell Jake today.
It’s not like I wasn’t going to but now that I was showing a little and everything seemed to be fine, it was time to rip the band-aid off. If this baby was strong enough to hold its own after the accident, I could must up the cojones to tell him.
When I’d texted him, Jake had responded within seconds, probably hoping that I’d changed my mind.
But I hadn’t…not really.
When the doorbell rang, I took a deep breath, pulled my loose blouse down to make the bump disappear and opened the door. Jake looked damn fine in his plain white T-shirt and a snug pair of jeans. I could tell that he’d been hitting the gym and doing all the things he needed to keep himself on track. I pictured the variety of women chasing him since I’d cut him loose but that wasn’t any of my business anymore.
Jake wasn’t smiling but from the bouquet of flowers in his hand and the soft look in his eyes, hope was written all over his face. Jake thrust the flowers at me like an awkward teenage boy courting his first girlfriend.
I took the flowers and tried to smile.
“Jake. You didn’t have to get these for me.”
“I know. I wanted to.”
Without the flowers to fidget with, Jake stuck both hands in his pockets.
“Thanks. Come in.”
I moved away from the door and he slid past me quickly. I followed him into the living room and motioned for him to sit.
“Do you want something to drink? Juice? Water? A soda?”
Now I was the one feeling weird and uncomfortable. I wasn’t sure how to start this baby-daddy conversation.
“No thanks. I’m fine.”
Jake’s eyes raked over me from head to toe a few times before I sat down across from him.
“You let your hair grow out and you’ve put on a few pounds…It suits you. You look amazing Ella – as usual.”
We fell silent and he waited patiently for me to say something. But when I didn’t, Jake broke the ice.
“I’m hoping that you asked me over because…uh…because…”
Rip the band-aid off Gabriella.
“I’m pregnant,” I blurted out. Jake gave me a blank look and didn’t react.
He had heard my words but hadn’t strung them together. Then he frowned and looked at my stomach.
His eyes were glued to my stomach though there was nothing much to see.
My words finally sunk in and sadness clouded his face. My heart broke just a little bit for him. I watched him take a deep breath and swallow hard.
“Do you hate me so much that you wanted to tell me this in person? That you’re having some other man’s baby? Who is the guy?” he asked, trying to keep his voice stable.
In my hurry to get this secret out in the open, it had never crossed my mind to lie to him.
This baby could easily have been another man’s baby. Jake didn’t know how far along I was. I hadn’t thought about how his mother would react to Jake being a father and permanently linked to the “Mexican” girl as she had called me.
If she could push me down those stairs without a moment’s thought, what would stop her from doing stupid shit to my baby?
Why hadn’t I thought about all of this before I’d opened my fucking big mouth?
My thoughts swirled with what I’d meant to say, what I could say or maybe what I wouldn’t say at all.
©2016 Marquessa Matthews. All Rights Reserved.
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