#WriterWednesday: Validation Wanted, Not Needed

It’s a little embarrassing but I’ll say it anyways.

I needed your validation.

I know all the advice about writing what I want, dancing to the beat of my own drum, not caring about what others think of my writing and all that other jazz.

Hell, I regularly give that advice to others but like I said in a past post, I’m not great at always following my logical advice.

But it is true – if it weren’t for your validation through comments and “likes”, I doubt that I would be talking to you today. I mean, even with positive feedback and my passion for the craft, I still sometimes find myself a prisoner of the voices that can quickly deflate my spirit like a balloon.

Who do you think you are? Do you actually think that you can take this little writing hobby of yours beyond a blog into the world of self-publishing? Wake up and stop dreaming in technicolor.

Sweet comments and likes don’t mean that you write that well. Readers are just being kind.

Yeah, yeah, you say that you always wanted to be writer but if that were really true, you would not have let anyone or anything stand in your way.

You’re too old. You should have tackled this writing thing in your 20s or 30s. It’s too late for you now so what’s the point?

And where are you going to squeeze time in to get all your stories out of your head and onto paper between your 9-5 job and other responsibilities? As it is, right now you’re driving around with your head out of the window like a dog because the A/C is broken in your car and you haven’t found time to take it to the garage…

You are a writer so you know what I’m taking about.

Fortunately, those nagging voices are not constant companions but on the days they decide to drop in for an unexpected visit, I try to quickly show them the door.

The rational side of my brain knows that it’s just fear trying to shut my muse and spirit down so that my writing can stay in a dark, stagnant and safe place away from judgmental eyes.

But I also realize that if I want to keep progressing forward, I just need to keep showing up as much as I can and as often as I can – for myself.

I used to say that “I write for myself” but I realized that I was lying to myself and to you. If I were really writing for me, myself and I, would validation even enter into the picture? No.

But somewhere over the past few months, I’ve moved away from needing your validation and now find myself stepping closer to wanting your validation.

Do most writers want validation? And what lies beyond the “wanting” validation?

All Rights Reserved ©2017 Marquessa Matthews


11 thoughts on “#WriterWednesday: Validation Wanted, Not Needed

  1. What you’ve put into words – that’s the story of me. Writing is art- when you paint this lovely picture, it’s a boon to your spirit to have someone come along and say ‘how beautiful’. This validation inspires you to do better and in turn inspires others. That’s my take on it :). As writers we have no choice but to press on. If we don’t write, we ‘die’- so with doubts and all, we plough on.
    Loved your post!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I understand exactly what you’re talking about. I want validation… but… I also need it. I spent years thinking that even though I enjoyed my own writing, no one else would. I thought it was good… to me… but not ‘good’ by professional standards… if that makes any sense. Even now, with all the wonderful feedback I’ve gotten… I still have trouble believing I’m any good!

    “I used to say that “I write for myself” but I realized that I was lying to myself and to you. If I were really writing for me, myself and I, would validation even enter into the picture? No.”

    I write for myself… definitely. But not only myself. You’re right — if it was truly just for me, would I care about validation? Of course not!

    I’m not sure I believe people when they say they write only for themselves. If you’re out there sharing it, you’re writing for others, too… don’t you think?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Exactly! It was a big fat lie to myself. The positive feedback is validation but then it was becoming addictive. That’s why i’ve spent most of the summer just writing off the top of my head. And yes, you’re totally right – if we are sharing, its because we are writing for others but I’ve been trying to do it for “me” first…you know?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I know what you mean. I think I keep my “secret book” a secret because that one really is just for me. I can’t even bring myself to divulge the characters’ names! 🙂

        The validation really is addictive. I think it’s easy to get there… first needing it and then needing it to continue. And I’ll even take it a step further — feeling inadequate without it…

        Liked by 1 person

  3. It helps lot if some one tells me what I’m doing well. Also, them mentioning grammar errors or once and a while if a story doesn’t make sense. I appreciate that to. So I know exactly what you men. Hope all is going well 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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