“H” is for “Humiliate” #atozchallenge @AprilA2Z #IfMyWoundsWereVisible

To find a little writing inspiration, I’m falling back to my pattern of using a song to get my ideas flowing. The lyrics (but not the chorus) are what caught my attention. Hope you enjoy the Jessie J. video at the end of this post…

Apologetic phone calls.

Please forgive me texts.

Flower deliveries that almost melted my resolve…

Until I had flashbacks to how scared I had been during that last car ride with him. The only reason Dex hadn’t turned up at my door was because my condo building had security and Dex didn’t have a swipe card.

I refused to talk to him for an entire week before I finally agreed to meet him at a coffee shop around the corner after work. But then again, I really had no choice when he texted and said that he would turn up at my job if I didn’t see him.

I wasn’t looking forward to it but if we were going to break up, I preferred to pull that band-aid off quickly rather than slowly. Of course, I loved him but I couldn’t shake the pit in the bottom of my stomach that constantly sat there.

When I arrived at the coffee shop, Dex was already sitting at a table for two looking like he hadn’t slept in days. He had a cup of coffee in front of him and a mug of what looked like my favorite tea waiting for me. As he rose from his chair to greet me, I noticed the single red rose in his hand.

“Hey babe.”

When he leaned in for a kiss, my body bristled and I sat down to avoid his lips. He sighed, sat down and placed the rose in front of me. I didn’t touch it – I didn’t need to be pricked again.

“I’m sorry Cara. About everything. Making you leave the barbecue early, my behaviour in the car, scaring you like that…I’m sorry for all of it. You need to forgive and forget so that we can fix this and get back to being “us”.”

“Are you for real? How can I forget how you said that you were going to crash the car and then you almost did! What is so wrong with you that you would say and do something like that?! I let strangers drive me home!” ”

“I know, I know! I was drunk and a total asshole. I’m sorry. I can’t say it enough. You know how much I love you! And seeing you talking with your ex and ignoring me…”

“Jake is not my ex! We were nothing more than friends in high school…”

“I was jealous. I couldn’t help it. I felt so humiliated. It looked like you were enjoying his attention and that you were ignoring me on purpose.”

“That is utterly ridiculous! Not only was I not ignoring you, Jake was not flirting. He has a girlfriend.”

There was deathly long pause before either of us spoke. That’s when I saw the tears forming in Dex’s eyes.

“Cara, to be honest, being with you makes me feel like I’m not good enough for you.” His tears and his words totally confused me and it must have shown on my face. “You have your shit together. You’re gorgeous, you’re climbing the ladder in your career, you own your own condo, you travel to great places…You’ve got a great relationship with your family and good friends…I don’t have all of that. I sometimes wonder what you see in me and it scares me. But you love me and that’s all I need.”

And just like that…BAM! My heart melted, my eyes were tearing up too and the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach disappeared.

Yes, in our first weeks together, Dex had told me about how being adopted had always made him feel insecure. It didn’t help that his rocky relationship with his family was very strained and he rarely saw them. It was the reason why he didn’t have many friends and had a tendency to keep people at arm’s length…except me.

I couldn’t bear to see him hurting and before I knew it, I was holding his hand and he was kissing me.

“Hmm…” He growled into my mouth. “I almost forgot how fucking sweet you taste. Let’s take this home.”

The only thing cold between us was his cup of coffee and tea that we left untouched on that coffeeshop table before rushing back to my place.

Cara

Continuation: I is for “Isolation”

All Rights Reserved ©2018 Marquessa Matthews. Graphic above created with Canva.

Disclaimer: I have no copyrights to the song and/or video and/or hyperlinks to songs and/or videos and/or gifs above. No copyright infringement intended.

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