“J” is for “Jealousy” #atozchallenge @AprilA2Z #IfMyWoundsWereVisible

So…

It looks like a few of you have found my blog. It’s a good thing that I’m writing this anonymously because some of you are NOT being understanding at all. And calling me an idiot won’t change the past.

There is no use in telling me what I should have done because obviously, I didn’t. If I had known better, I would have done better, right?

I know that it sounds like my head was screwed on backwards but Dex did such a great job bringing me down, I felt hopeless and helpless.

If you have never felt that way, good for you (yeah, I’m being sarcastic). But if you’re going to post such harsh comments, do me a favor – stop reading what I’m posting, okay?!

But I’m going to continue telling my story for those who actually “get me”…okay?

Okay.

The day I decided to break things off with Dex was the night that I landed in the hospital.

But first let me tell you what led up to all of that…

I spent almost an entire week staying late at the office so that I could have some “Dex Free space” to seriously think about breaking up with him. You see, by then, Dex had become a semi-permanent presence in my condo even though he had his own apartment, even down to having toiletries and an emergency Epipen in my bathroom. As a peace offering and to prove that I trusted him, I had foolishly given him an access card to my building so that he could come and go as he pleased, something that turned out to be a very bad decision.

Remember when I said that I had been misplacing and losing things like my keys, cell and birth control pills? Yeah, you can guess that what was really happening…it was all him trying to make me bonkers. But I’m getting off topic…

Though staying late after work gave me time to think, Dex’s constant deluge of texts and phone calls asking me what I was working on, why I was late again and when I would be home convinced me.

There were no more maybes. I had to cut Dex loose no matter how much my heart begged me not to do it.

You won’t believe me when I say this but Dex had this uncanny way of reading my thoughts. Sometimes, I really did think that he had the super power to read my mind and know what I was going to do before I could even do it.

I’m not kidding.

That night, Dex read my mind. The moment I walked through my door, it was as though Dex could smell my decision to dump him. He sat watching tv, an open box of pizza sitting on my antique coffee table, a place he knew I wouldn’t want an oily pizza box to be. But I chose to ignore it. I threw my purse onto the couch, gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and went to the fridge to grab a bottle of water.

All the while, I felt his eyes roaming suspiciously over my body. I braced myself for the interrogation I knew would come…

“What’s going on with you and work? You’ve been late all week and you haven’t spent any quality time with me Cara.”

Yeah, you’re so accustomed to my world revolving around you that my career is getting in the way too now?

Though it was a lie, I re-explained what I had already told him on the phone – that I had a deadline on a project to meet.

“Those people are working you like a slave. They don’t appreciate you. If others aren’t pulling their weight, grow a backbone for once and speak up. Don’t let them walk all over you.”

So… it’s okay for me to grow a backbone and speak up at work but when I use my voice with you, you go ballistic?

Again, I re-explained that no one at work was walking over me and that I was just fine.

“If you are going to keep doing these kinds of extra hours, we’re going to have a problem. You’re not putting enough energy into us and I know that you know it.” At that point, Dex was looking intensely into my eyes like that first night we had met at the bistro. It was as though he was peering into my soul and knew that I had reached my limit with him – that I was done and he would soon be history.

“I’m going to take a shower Dex. It’s been a long day.”

Before he could assault me with more questions, I headed straight to the bathroom and took a long hot shower to relax and settle my nerves. As the hot water poured over my body, my mind raced about when it would be best to pull the plug on him.

After dinner? Maybe tomorrow at a neutral location where he couldn’t make a scene?

I was still thinking about it when I heard Dex yelling my name as his loud heavy steps approached the bathroom door. Before I could even respond, the door flew open and with the whoosh of air that came with it, the shower curtain stuck my naked body. When Dex wrenched the shower curtain open, I screamed with shock.

His dark eyes were wide and crazy-looking as he shoved my cell phone at me and it quickly became a victim of a steady stream of hot water that was still pouring down from the shower head. My back was now plastered against the cold ceramic tiles of the shower.

“WHO THE FUCK IS MICHAEL?!”

Maya Angelou once wrote that “jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening.”

Well, my food was way past spoiled and that was the beginning of what had already ended for me.

I’ll finish telling you about this tomorrow. And remember, if you’re going to be judgmental, I don’t want to hear it…

Cara

Continuation: K is for “Knife”

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Bisous,

M xoxo

All Rights Reserved ©2018 Marquessa Matthews. Graphic above created with Canva.

Disclaimer: I have no copyrights to the song and/or video and/or hyperlinks to songs and/or videos and/or gifs above. No copyright infringement intended.

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