As I stood close enough to reach out and touch the blue skies on the Diamond Head summit, my mind flashed back to all the years I had felt so helpless and hopeless. I suddenly realized that nothing and no one was holding me back now…
I sat in utter amazement at the breathtaking views from the Diamond Head summit. Meghan had definitely not lied about how awesome it was.
“You see, it wasn’t so bad! The trail was a little steep in a few places but you did it!”
I felt such a sense of accomplishment that I couldn’t stop grinning. After all those mind games I’d played on myself, the trail really hadn’t been that difficult.
“If it weren’t for you Gran, I would have missed all of this! Thank you for giving me that kick in the pants!”
“Don’t be so polite about it. You mean a hard kick in the ass!”
I smiled. Yes, if it hadn’t been for this old lady with a cane egging me on, I never would have experienced it. I immediately fished my camera out of my backpack.
“The light is great right now for pictures.”
“I don’t anything about those types of things dear. But I did tell you that when you put your mind to something, anything is possible, didn’t I?”
Looking down from that perspective at the crater below where we had started our journey, I felt powerful and strong enough to accomplish anything. But yet I still felt small enough to feel swallowed up by the vastness of my surroundings.
How could I feel significant and insignificant all at the same time?
Photo credit: Kanalu Chock via Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA
Resentfulness soured my mouth at the realization of the number of experiences I had missed out on…
Being left by my ex-husband with the kids at the foot of Chichen Itza in Mexico because he said they would whine too much and couldn’t appreciate its’ history…
Our honeymoon in Ocho Rios when he had enjoyed the walk up Dunn’s River Falls without me because I was “too clumsy and might hurt myself”…
I had been so upset for the rest of the day after witnessing all the other husbands and boyfriends helping their wives and girlfriends navigate through the rocky uneven terrain.
And those were just some of the things that had taught me to “accept and submit” to my lot in life as a mother and wife…when I really shouldn’t have.
I felt my camera sliding away from my face and realized that Gran had gently pushed it away.
“Whenever I come up here, I take all of my worries and hand them over to God. My grandson who is still on a dangerous life path, my granddaughter who just lost a baby, my pain from being left on this earth without my husband….I hand it all over to Him because God is good and He always does what is right.”
Gran placed a hand on my cheek.
“Put that camera down and think about what is weighing on your spirit. Release it to God and let Him help you find peace. When you’re ready to head back down, we’ll be over there. But first, take a picture of us together so that you can remember me in this day on this summit with you.” I took out me cell and snapped a selfie of us and she surprised me by doing a “duck face”.
Then, Gran pointed to where her family was standing. “Take your time. The park doesn’t close until 6:00pm. ”
And with that, she walked away leaving me alone. Besides the obvious illness that was on my mind, why was I always so ready and willing to let things slide? When had I become incurably jaded and given up on my life?
As I stood close enough to reach out and touch the blue skies on the Diamond Head summit, my mind flashed back to all the years I had felt so helpless and hopeless. I suddenly realized that nothing and no one was holding me back now.
The only person getting in my way was me.
And it was high time that I get the hell out of my own way.
Continuation – F is for “Fruit”
All Rights Reserved ©2017 Marquessa Matthews.
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Photo credit: MjZ Photography via Foter.com / CC BY-NC