afflicted #wattpad

Dominic was the love of my life until I killed him twice.

And both times, I can’t say that I was sad about it. But I’m not going to get into that with you just yet.

If you want to know the whole truth, you’ll have to be patient with me. Whenever I think about what happened, it’s like that slap from Dominic all over again and I’m left wondering how I got into it all in the first place.

I’ve never told anyone but God the entire story about what happened but I’m thinking…maybe it’s time to do it now?

This secret has been eating away at me and no matter what I do, it keeps bubbling up to my surface, trying to escape. I need to get this weight off of my chest and the only way I can do it is by writing it down.

If I was really smart, I wouldn’t write it down at all, especially online like what I’m doing right now. But I’ve decided to throw caution to the wind. Maybe my story will turn out to be a bunch of incoherent ramblings – I don’t know.

Just know this – I’m not a bad person. I needed to do what needed to be done to free myself from Dominic. And maybe, just maybe, what I have to say will free someone else too.

You know what they say – two can keep a secret if one of them is dead.

Fortunately, I’m the one still breathing.

Note: To be continued here on Wattpad.

All Rights Reserved ©2019 Marquessa Matthews.

Advertisements

Synchronicity?

Is it synchronicity?

Lately, I keep stumbling across many of my blogger friends who have taken a social media break, are currently on a break or will be taking a break because they are either social media’ed out or just need to redirect their focus to more important things for now.

I totally get that.

I’ve been keeping my blog at arm’s length since I returned home from vacation and it has felt good. So good that I’m thinking about going cold turkey from all social media platforms for a while.

Strange but true – I don’t miss my blog.

And it is indeed strange because there was a time when I loved finding things to blog. But the more I keep my distance, the more my “writing” thoughts are becoming clearer.

The fears I had left about writing are all but gone and I think that I’ve found an approach to overcome the intimidation I feel over self-publishing without getting egg on my face.

Part of my writing problem was also that the gaggle of characters I had in my head back when I was in my 20s were also in their 20’s like me.

Well, I’m far from being in my 20s and have zero interest in writing about 20-somethings at my age. But I guess that I still had to sort of “mourn” the loss of what I could have written.

But nothing happens before it’s time, right?

The more I keep my WordPress posts infrequent, the deeper I feel I can breathe. So maybe I will take a break from other social media platforms for a while…who knows?

M  xoxo

An Introvert’s Commitment

Committing to anything, anyone and everything else is easy but when the commitment involves doing something just for me, it’s freaking hard.  I give up after a few half-assed attempts.

But if I want to get back into the writing groove, I need to shake things up.

Get out of my comfort zone.

Commit to doing something small and see it through to the end.

That something is going to be joining a book club.

I’m not in writing mode so I should at least be reading as writers are supposed to.

But my inner introvert voice is already encouraging me to run in the opposite direction…

It’s a big book club and you’re going to have to talk to people you don’t know. The minute you get there, you know that you’re gonna want to leave…

You can read those same books in the comfort of your home alone in your comfortable pyjamas with a tasty snack…

Why waste money on more books when you’ve got three piles of unread ones next to the sofa?

Y’all, my inner introvert voice is exhausting but I’m going to ignore it.

I’m committing to reading these books below. Book club meets once a month starting in the fall and to get a jump start on things, I just ordered the first book from Amazon.

Who knows, maybe I’ll stumbled upon a fellow introvert in the book club who is also I writer.

Fingers crossed.  🙂

Are you in any book clubs? Do you enjoy it?

I’ve been in hiding…

I wasn’t put in the witness protection program or anything like that…

I’ve just felt the need to make myself scarce and concentrate on things that are completely non-writing-related.

To be honest, I haven’t written anything creative in months and strangely enough, I don’t feel badly about it.

I can’t be creative when my energy is focused on “life” issues that are much more important than writing.

And right now, I’m embracing the people in my life and taking advantage of their presence while I still have the opportunity.

Life is short, the clock is ticking for all of us and the time is “now” for so many things in our lives.

Would you agree?

Go take your kids for an ice cream, say yes to that barbecue invitation you were going to turn down or give someone you haven’t spoken to in ages a call.

I’ll be around here and there over the summer. Take care and talk soon until I resurface again… 🙂

Bisous,

Monday Musings: Sun, Surf, And Sand

The sweet spot…💜

***

Years ago after a vacation filled with sun, sea and heat, I promised myself to find a way to make my own home feel like an “oasis”.

The beachy light colors and minimal stuff. A gazebo on my deck with palm plants in each corner. A zero gravity chaise. All as feng shui as possible.

And I was successful. By the time I had decluttered, painted and feng shui-ed, it did feel like a mini oasis.

But when your mind is tired, it’s hard to enjoy the little things that quiet the mind.

Now that it’s summer (or it’s supposed to be), I’m going to slow things way down and for this blog, only post about once a week.

What are your plans to slow down and enjoy summer?

Instagram

Bisous,

M xoxo

Monday Musings: Zen

Waking up to this view never gets old…💜

***

I recently took a little break to take advantage of the beach.

It was more a change of scenery, than a vacation.

An early morning walk is a good way to lift the soul a bit before the worries of the day start to creep in again.

If you and I are already friends on Instagram, feel free to keep in touch with me on IG. I’ll be spending a little more time over there.

And if we aren’t friends on Instagram, feel free to drop in and say “hey”.

If my Instagram happens to be back on “Private” (due to weird spammy spam), just make a “request” and I’ll approve you, that is, if you are a real person. 😁

Bisous,

M xoxo

Monday Musings: Judging A Book By Its’ Back Cover

The way my head spun around must have scared that lady to death because she froze with her mouth open starung at me.

Or maybe it was the stink eye I gave her.

“Yeah, I heard that this novel is really good but the author’s Black so I don’t think that I’d relate…

That’s what she said right before she noticed me standing there. And when she did, she was quick to scurry off with her friend like a rat in the light to the far end of the bookstore.

It’s a good thing she did because I might have said something unpolitically correct standing in the middle of the “Romance” aisle.

Mira

Everyone, including that woman is entitled to think what she thinks and to feel what she feels. We are all entitled to our preferences.

I mean, stories that involve vampires, space, historical ship or urban street fiction don’t float my boat so naturally if the book cover represents any of that, I will likely pass.

But never NEVER have I looked at an author’s profile picture on a fiction book and said that I wouldn’t be able to relate to it because of the author’s color or ethnicity.

If anything, because of the “default White” book world in which I grew up reading, I’ve always looked beyond that default – Isabel Allende, Pico Iyer, Amy Tan and the list goes on. Not being from someone else’s cultural background has never stopped me.

There are a bunch of things I could unpack for you that lurk behind that woman’s words but I’ll leave that for another time.

What I will point out is that I curiously flipped through the novel that woman referred to and it was clear that she simply had assumed the book would be… “Black”.

But it wasn’t.

The main characters were White, the book blurb didn’t refer to race and neither did the front cover.

I guess that romance and happily-ever-afters are not relatable if you’re from a different ethnic group.

Judging a book by its back cover will only make you miss out on some great reads and that woman surely did.

(By the way, my inside voice is calling “that woman” by a totally different name… 👀)