“No Strokes For Different Folks” #writerwednesday #black #microaggressions #race #blackhistorymonth

(Repost)

Like this woman above, I’m already rolling my eyes at the fact that I feel the need to write the following “disclaimer” as an intro to my post but here goes:

This post is NOT intended to call anyone “ignorant”. This post is to raise awareness about how uncomfortable people can feel when seemingly harmless things are said and done to them, oftentimes by people who don’t mean any harm and don’t realize how their actions are being received.

But when we know better, we do better right?

That is the objective of this post and the reason why I’m bringing this to you.

I’m climbing off my soapbox now…

***

In my “Life of Pie” – 12 Totally Random Things You Never Needed To Know About Me” post, I told you that sometimes people I barely know have gotten into my personal space and have touched my “_____”, taking me off guard before I could even react.

In that post, I purposely left it blank so that you could guess. Some of you guessed right and some of you guessed …not right.

Well, as luck would have it, someone who knew exactly what I was referring to in that post forwarded me a real-life example of my #12.

Take a look:

Disclaimer: I have no copyrights to the song and/or video and/or hyperlinks to songs and/or videos and/or gifs above. No copyright infringement intended.

I cringed the moment I saw that outstretched hand…

It boggles my mind why some people think that it’s “okay” to cross that personal boundary, physically touch someone they may barely know and even sometimes go so far as to glide their hands over another person.

How would those same individuals like it if someone they barely knew stroked them?

I don’t care if the gesture is meant to be a compliment.

Do not touch me without my permission.

Yes, that woman looks amazing at 53. And I’ll even let that co-host’s words slide this time (because it’s an entirely different conversation).

But the touching?

Uhhhh…hell no, no, no.

There are no ifs, ands or buts about it. Don’t do it. Not everyone will be as polite as the woman in this video. Recoiling like a snake while giving you my “subway” face has been my go-to move for years now because it’s been much more effective than being “polite” by pretending to be okay with it.

Oh…the stories I could share with you but I won’t.

As food for thought, I’m leaving you with a link to “21 Racial Microaggressions You Hear On A Daily Basis“. If you don’t have time to read, the photos speak volumes.

Microaggressions are not limited to “race”. There are many that abound related to gender and sexuality too…

Okay, I’m climbing off my soapbox now. My rant is over. 🙂

All Rights Reserved ©2017 Marquessa Matthews


Save

Advertisements

Power And Control #abuse #domesticabuse

credit to and image found at: http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/

I always try my best to bring a certain level of realism to my fiction.

So when I speak about domestic abuse, I often do it in a subtle way. I want you to think about situations you have experienced or that someone close may have confided to you. And from the comments I’ve received on past fiction, many of you know the signs…

The way he accuses you of lying when you simply forget to mention something trivial, how he thinks he has the right to comb through your text messages and web browser history, the third degree you get if you are a few minutes late, how he tells you that no other man will ever want you and best of all, how he purposely creates unnecessary conflict to alienate you from your loved ones…

Just a few of the red flags.

Watching a recent Grey’s Anatomy episode (Season 14, “1-800-799-7233”) and a powerful scene where Joe warns a woman to stay away from her ex, it reminded me of my “Woman to Woman” piece (which I re-titled for a challenge at Christmas).

My fiction piece may not be as riveting as the Grey’s scene below but the message is the same: “When your man’s former flame warns you and she has nothing to gain, listen very closely with both ears, walk away and don’t look back. Because you deserve better.”

Disclaimer: I have no copyrights to the song and/or video and/or hyperlinks to songs and/or videos and/or gifs below. No copyright infringement intended. I simply want to bring attention to domestic abuse and how important it is to listen to other women’s warnings.

https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/live-feed/why-greys-anatomy-just-overtly-tackled-unconscious-bias-1078509

A New ‘Do #saturdaycoffeeshare #blackgirlmagic

Totally frivolous and random post…

With the crazy cold weather, it’s hard keeping my hair healthy so as a short term fix, I’ve decided to get a new ‘do for the next few weeks.

Braids or twists.

I haven’t really done braids since I was a kid when my mother managed my mane and now that I’m looking around online….when did all these pretty style options pop up?

Making a decision as a Libra is like pulling teeth but I’m leaning towards one of these below.

Which one do you think will look the cutest when I pull off my winter tuque, eh?

(Post update: option 2 to the top far right was my pick)

(images/photos found at and credited to https://therighthairstyles.com/30-best-black-braided-hairst/20/)

Disclaimer: I have no copyrights to the images/photos above. No copyright infringement intended.

Make 2018 YOUR Year! #happynewyear2018

It’s almost the beginning of a spanking brand new year! Are you excited?

Like many of you, I’ve started making tiny changes to my blog, like updating headers (yeah, that’s me on the beach you see up there), taking down posts I no longer like, making changes to categories, tags…It will be an off/on ongoing work in progress but that’s okay – cleaning up my blog space is giving me ideas on how to streamline even more.

As the new year progresses, you will notice other changes to my blog, mainly the fact that I will be repurposing some previous posts by updating its’ content this January (and more often). For now, most new content will be limited to the One Minute Fiction on Mondays, a few #WriterWednesdays and, Song Lyric Sundays.

Why?

I’ll be busy with a few “secret”/personal projects during the first few months of 2018 so I need to take a step back and make those a priority. I apologize in advance if you end up reading a post that sounds vaguely familiar!

Because of those personal projects, I’ve been forced to get back onto Facebook (yes, I said “forced” because I’m not that keen/savvy on social media in general) so if you would like to connect with me on FB feel free to send me a “Friend Request” here. Of course, I will still respond to comments on the blog but not as quickly as I usually do. I’m also on Twitter and Instagram under the same handle: @simplymarquessa. I’m already connected with lots of you there too.

I hope that this new year brings you all that your little heart desires and that the next 365 days are filled with good health (most important), wealth, prosperity and abundant happiness!

I no longer make resolutions since they are usually a recipe for disappointment. But my arms are open to whatever this new year has to offer me and what I have to offer to it.

Right now, my objective is to remember “get started” and “to keep going”:

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex, overwhelming tasks into smaller manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.”

–Mark Twain

What about you? How will you make this year YOUR year?

Bisous,

M xoxo

Baby It’s Cold Outside… #montreal

We’re going through a deep, deep freeze spell right now.

The -39 degrees Celcius weather (yes, that is a minus before the 38) we are having will continue until next week. I’ve been totally boring on my Instagram feed by posting snapshots like the one below to show just how crazy cold it is. The kind of cold where you have to keep a tap running in the house to make sure that the pipes don’t freeze.

This was Thursday’s “Real Feel”…

But as “Canucks”, we take it in stride and just keep moving. It got me thinking about how we behave when dealing with extreme cold events, at least for us Canadians.

Here are a few things hat come to mind:

  • You talk about the weather around the water cooler at work. At length. The weather really is a topic of conversation for us;
  • Your mother calls to ask you if you’re wearing the long johns she gave you at Christmas and you don’t have to lie (because you really are wearing them). You’ve also started wearing those ugly ass mittens and hat that clash with your style because they are warmer than your “prettier” pair;
  • You walk on the outer part of the sidewalk to avoid falling icicles from highrise buildings which can become daggers from the sky (I could tell you a story about that!);
  • When you say that you’re going to “plug in” your car overnight, you don’t need to explain what that means;
  • Your employer sends out an email reminding you to stay warm, “do the penguin walk” and tells you “how to fall” if it’s icy.

As you can guess, lots of us are staying in, working from home and limiting the outdoor activities. In fact, a number of outdoor New Year’s Eve events have already been cancelled!

Tell me, how cold does it get in your neck of the woods? And what do you do when you’re forced to stay indoors for extended periods of time?

Cheers!

M  xoxo

Blue Christmas #weekendcoffeeshare #christmas #life

The decorations used to be perfectly placed and the Christmas tree ready to light on Dec 1.

Maybe too early for you but I’ve always preferred to “slow decorate” and enjoy the “Christmas feeling” for an entire month, remembering those warm and fuzzy times as a kid when I could spend hours sitting at the foot of the family tree to watch the lights dance and figure out how those 1970s “bubble lights” worked (remember those?). And if it happened to be snowing outside our family’s living room bay window while I sat there reading Louisa May Alcott’s “Little Women” for the upteenth time, it was almost like Christmas heaven.

But this year, I seem to have lost that “Christmas” feeling.

I have yet to hang up one decoration or pull the Christmas tree out of the garage and I’m not sure that I will.

Instead of thinking about the relaxed holiday pace and the wonderful times to come with family and friends, my thoughts keep drifting to things I can’t control.  Worrying about things that haven’t happened, may not happen for a long time and who may not be around next Christmas.

So no, I’m not feeling the Christmas spirit. It’s more of a bah humbug mood that will hopefully disappear in the next few days.

What kind of Christmas mood are YOU in?

M  xoxo

#ThoughtfulTuesday: Being The Brave You Is Beautiful

I would love to be beautiful.

But not just any kind of beautiful.

The kind of “beautiful” that Tracee Ellis Ross spoke to in her recent Glamour Women of the Year 2017 speech .

The kind of “beautiful” that reflects being myself 150% of the time, not allowing others to dull my shine, resisting the pull to fit myself into other people’s molds and fully stepping into my own energy.

I’m a work in progress.

M  xoxo

Note: I can count the number of celebrities I follow on Instagram one hand with three fingers to spare but Tracee Ellis Ross is one of the few that I do follow. She strikes me as the kind of person I would love to sit down and have a coffee with.

©2017 Marquessa Matthews. All Rights Reserved