“Two people can only keep a secret if one of them is dead.”
Out of all the crazy stuff my Dominican abuela (I mean, grandmother) used to say, that was the wisest and truest thing to ever come out of her big uncensored mouth.
You see, the secret I’ve been keeping has been eating away at me. And with each passing day, the story keeps bubbling up inside of me, trying to escape.
I’ve never told anyone about what happened, at least not all of it.
But I have to get this weight off of my chest and the only way I can do it is by writing it down. If I was really smart, I wouldn’t write it down at all, especially online where people could find it. But I need to tell my story and figure out how I ended up here in the first place.
This blog is really meant for me and my eyes only. I mean, who would even care about my incoherent ramblings?
But just in case someone does stumble across this blog (and if you are reading this, I mean YOU), please remember that I’m not a bad person. I had to take Abuela’s words to heart and I did what needed to be done to save myself.
Truth be told, a little part of me hopes that you do find this blog. I mean, maybe you’ll help me piece this all together and help me see where I went wrong, though I kind of already know.
And of course, I’m writing this anonymously so I won’t tell you my real name. But you can call me “Cara”, short for “Caramel”. That was Abuela’s nickname for me because she loved the color of my skin. She also said that I was like burnt sugar with a bitter aftertaste. Back then, I never knew what she meant by that and the only time I had the nerve to ask, she had simply shrugged her shoulders and said:
“Mas sabe el diablo por viejo que por diablo“.
Yes, the devil knows more from experience than from being the devil. Maybe Abuela saw something in me back then that I only discovered later and that I’m reconciling with now…who knows.
But I’m getting off topic. Maybe I’ll write about that later.
Right now, I need to start at the beginning and tell you how I met my abuser Dex…
Continuation: B is for “Bomb”
All Rights Reserved ©2018 Marquessa Matthews. Graphic above created with Canva.
Shifting gears away from all-things-Covid-19 and towards some fiction.
I took down most of my fiction from this blog a long time ago but I felt like randomly posting an old excerpt of a little something-something since the A to Z Challenge starts next week.
If you have never read any of my fiction writing, below is a little taste of something sexy…just because I felt like it. I truly like this character and look forward to writing her again – hopefully soon.
You can find some of my other writing under the Short Fiction menu tab above.
Naughty Girls Need Love Too
When I licked Jake’s earlobe, his breathing became labored and his chest heaved against mine.
It took mere seconds to feel just how much he wanted me. Jake’s palms ran along my legs, found their way behind my knees and gave me one forceful tug forward so that I found myself straddling him instead of his motorcycle.
Motorcycles turned me on all on their own but Jake on a motorcycle was deadly.
“You’re playing a dangerous game with someone you barely know Gabriella,” Jake whispered into my ear, giving me goosebumps all over my body.
“Call me Ella. I think we know each other well enough for you to call me Ella. All of my friends do.” I fingers through his hair and felt him shudder.
“Ella,” Jake groaned into my hair. “Is this what you do when a man offers you a ride home?”
The more I sucked on his earlobe, the harder Jake tried to close the already non-existent gap between us.
“Not always,” I teased. “Only with the ones I find…interesting.”
“You’re lethal Ella. Dangerous…”
“Tell me to stop what I’m doing and I will.” I stopped and waited for the “stop” I knew would never leave his lips. “For all I know, you might be the dangerous one.” I’d had my people do a background check on him after that brawl at the club so I already knew what I needed to about him.
“Me? Dangerous? I’m more a danger to myself than I would ever be to you,” Jake said, kissing my neck. “Between us, the only dangerous one is you Ella.”
I couldn’t help but laugh.
“I’m more naughty than dangerous. And naughty girls need love too you know.” I kissed his cheek and when he leaned in towards my lips, I playfully turned my head away. “If I really were dangerous, you’d want me anyways, right?” I looked him straight in the eyes.
“Say it…” I told him, unbuttoning his shirt.
Jake looked down at my fingers, as if what I was saying and doing didn’t compute. “Say what?”
Confusion was written all over his face. I might have been doing the talking but our bodies were dictating the conversation. Getting to my lips and my other lady bits were the only things on his mind.
“Say that you want me, ” I whispered, prompting him and running my palms up and down his chest now that his shirt was unbuttoned. Jake closed his eyes firmly, enjoying my touch. “I want to hear you say it.” Then I ran my palms along his outer thighs. “Tell me that you want me.”
“I want you,” Jake muttered, hypnotizing by the movement of my fingers on his legs through his jeans.
“I want you Ella…” I whispered into his ear and ran my tongue along his neck. I let my hands trail down to the front of his jeans.
“I want you Ella,” Jake parroted under duress with his eyes still firmly shut.
“I want you Ella right here on this bike...” I prompted him again. I could almost hear his heart beating under his now sweaty chest and when he finally opened his eyes, his look was so intense that it was almost scary. But I loved it. I wanted him to want me, really want me and I loved the power I had over him, melted under my spell.
“You’re killing me,” Jake groaned and started undoing the other buttons on my top. “I want you Ella, right here on this bike…”
“That’s more like it Jake.”
What unthinkable things could Jake and I do on his bike, right here, right now, in the darkness of this back alley?
I wanted to find out.
His hands cupped my ass and just as our lips touched, the back exit door of the club flew open with such force that Jake grabbed me before I lost my balance.
In the heat of the moment, I’d forgotten all about the surveillance cameras trained on that back alley.
I’d broken the first and foremost commandment at my own club – a rule that I had put in place when I had taking over the business: No fraternizing with the clients.
Or to use my exact words with the girls, “You’re performers, dancers, not hookers. No fucking the clients.”
And now here I was – hot, bothered and busted by the last person I wanted to find me breaking my own rule.
I was fucked and unfucked all at the same time.
©2016 Marquessa Matthews. All Rights Reserved.
I’m going to drop this post like it’s hot before I change my mind…
I’m thinking about participating in the A to Z Challenge in April 2020.
No, no, no.
I WILL participate in the A to Z Challenge in April 2020.
I know, I know…It wasn’t that long ago that I DECLARED that I was DONE with writing challenges (even if you’re truly bored, please don’t scroll back through my old posts and say, “Yeah, you did say that!”)
So yeah, I’m in.
First, I was thinking about writing a series of 26 “background” posts through the eyes of one of the characters in one of my stories. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how much work it would be for little personal gain and so I nixed it.
Then, I thought about writing to 26 reasons why I’m writing the Wattpad story I’m still working on. I quickly realized that I wouldn’t be able to be totally authentic and open with that approach and so I nixed that too.
And that’s when it hit me.
As far as I know, there is no rule that says I can’t repost a previous participation. And if there is such a rule, don’t bother correcting me because I’m going to do what I plan to do anyways.
After all that debating with myself, I’ve decided that I will repost a previous A to Z project and then use it as a springboard to ….
…I won’t tell you about that just yet.
I’m still hashing out those details in my head and my head is a crazy space these days.
Will you be doing the A to Z Challenge this year? If so, let me know!
For those interested in my Wattpad story, I dropped a new installment that you can access here.
I’m hoping to complete the next installment before December 31.
If you enjoy the installment or it resonates with you, please vote on it and leave your feedback directly on Wattpad.
Hope you enjoy!
*Note: I said that I wasn’t posting new fiction but this is a revamped version of a story already on this blog. Why? Because I felt like it. 🙂 *
The most wonderful time of the year found me in bed with a man I didn’t even know – for the second time this December.
I forgot this stranger’s name the moment he introduced himself after I let him pick me up during my holiday shopping spree at the mall across town.
His name doesn’t matter because I don’t give a flying fuck who he is.
The only thing I care about right now is how disgustingly satisfied I feel as he lays snoring next to me in this dirty motel room with the cheap siesta rate.
But the complete satisfaction that burns in me has nothing to do with his clumsy and underwhelming skills.
I open my eyes and inhale the stale scent that lingers in the air and look at our wrinkled clothes on the floor next to the bed. When I notice the snow falling harder outside, I quietly slip out of the lumpy bed, grab my wrinkled clothes and tiptoe to the crusty-looking bathroom. I don’t care about waking him up. I just want to get dressed in peace and with no small talk. He will never have an opportunity to lay his hands on me again so what’s the use of having a conversation?
After splashing cold water onto my face, I pull on my clothes and think about how quickly I’m achieving my goal.
Two down, three to go.
In no time, I’ll match the number of names that I found crumpled up on different pieces of paper in the glove compartment of my husband’s truck, behind a half-used box of Trojans and a pair of sticky pink handcuffs that I had never seen before.
Ashley, Jennifer, Betsy, Laura and Melissa with cutesy heart shape next to her name.
Yeah, in no time at all. Two down, three to go, let it snow and ho ho ho.
©2017 Marquessa Matthews. All Rights Reserved.
Did you enjoy this little non-Christmasy story?
As a writer who aspires to self-publish, building an email list of readers interested in my fiction is very, very important (at least, that’s what the experts say). If you enjoy my fiction, signing up for my newsletter (click here) would support me tremendously.
And I’m taking my time with a story on Wattpad so yu can follow me there too!
I just finished writing a new delicious scene between these two characters and decided to repost this. *
“Close your eyes and open your mouth…”
I did as I was told. I felt the warm gooeyness coat my lips, stick to the roof of my mouth and glide onto my tongue. My mouth widened to take it all in and I clasped my lips around it, wanting to savor it a little longer. Then I swallowed.
“It’s good, isn’t it?”
Yes, it was good. And yes, I definitely wanted more. I simply moaned with pleasure.
“Now, tell me it’s the best you’ve ever had.”
His tone dared me to say otherwise. I savored what was left in my mouth and then licked the residue from my lips. I opened my eyes and looked at him.
“Come on, say it.”
I giggled when I saw the serious look on his handsome face. I wasn’t a liar and I wasn’t about to start now.
“I’ll admit that it is very good. But I’ve had better. Sorry.”
“And here I am thinking that I would blow your mind.”
Disappointed, Alejandro placed the fork back onto the dessert plate. I immediately picked it up, dug into the chocolate molten lava cake and brought it to his lips.
“Butter, eggs, sugar, chocolate, fresh raspberries, powdered sugar…I used to be an expert at making these when I was a teenager. This is almost as good as what I used to make. Open your mouth.”
“Shush, don’t let the chef hear you.”
A smile spread across his face before he opened his mouth to receive the fork. We laughed and took turns feeding each other until the cake was a memory and we were suffering from a chocolate high. When I noticed chocolate on the corner of his mouth, I smudged it away with my thumb. Alejandro took hold of it and slowly slide it across his sticky lips. Before I knew it, my thumb was in his mouth and he was sucking the chocolate from it.
His eyes said it all, making me wonder just how sticky things could get in the middle of the empty restaurant.
©2016 Marquessa Matthews. All Rights Reserved.