“A” Is For “Afflicted”


“Two people can only keep a secret if one of them is dead.”

Out of all the crazy stuff my Dominican abuela (I mean, grandmother) used to say, that was the wisest and truest thing to ever come out of her big uncensored mouth.

You see, the secret I’ve been keeping has been eating away at me. And with each passing day, the story keeps bubbling up inside of me, trying to escape.

I’ve never told anyone about what happened, at least not all of it.

But I have to get this weight off of my chest and the only way I can do it is by writing it down. If I was really smart, I wouldn’t write it down at all, especially online where people could find it. But I need to tell my story and figure out how I ended up here in the first place.

This blog is really meant for me and my eyes only. I mean, who would even care about my incoherent ramblings?

But just in case someone does stumble across this blog (and if you are reading this, I mean YOU), please remember that I’m not a bad person. I had to take Abuela’s words to heart and I did what needed to be done to save myself.

Truth be told, a little part of me hopes that you do find this blog. I mean, maybe you’ll help me piece this all together and help me see where I went wrong, though I kind of already know.

And of course, I’m writing this anonymously so I won’t tell you my real name. But you can call me “Cara”, short for “Caramel”. That was Abuela’s nickname for me because she loved the color of my skin. She also said that I was like burnt sugar with a bitter aftertaste. Back then, I never knew what she meant by that and the only time I had the nerve to ask, she had simply shrugged her shoulders and said:

Mas sabe el diablo por viejo que por diablo“.

Yes, the devil knows more from experience than from being the devil. Maybe Abuela saw something in me back then that I only discovered later and that I’m reconciling with now…who knows.

But I’m getting off topic. Maybe I’ll write about that later.

Right now, I will start at the beginning and tell you how I met Dex…


Continuation: B is for “Bomb”

All Rights Reserved ©2018 Marquessa Matthews. 


“Two Can Play That Game” – Part 2

Note: For Part 1, you will need to scroll back though the past few posts because I am too lazy to pingback. I had only planned on posting Part 1 as a one-off but quite a few of you DM’ed me so here I am posting the old original Part 2 because sometimes it’s hard for me to say no. LOL

-Part 2-

“Hey! This place is pretty crowded. Would you mind if I sit with you?”

She graced me with the warmest of warm dark brown eyes and her smile could have lit up the entire coffee shop.

“Be my guest. But you might regret it…”

She motioned for me to sit and I promptly accepted.

“With a smile that beautiful, regret would be impossible.”

I expected her to avert her eyes shyly or at least blush at my compliment but I got neither. She didn’t even flinched.

I watched as she smoothed out the crinkles out of the newspaper before folding it neatly into four. As she did, she continued smiling and her eyes never left mine.

“So tell me, why would I regret sitting with you?”

“Well, I’m not that much of a conversationalist this early in the morning. And those girls over there seemed more than ready and willing to entertain a good-looking guy like you.”

She gestured behind me and when I turned, the three women were looking in our direction.

I couldn’t help but chuckle. I was impressed that she had observed that subtle exchange because it meant that she had been looking at me. Then, there was the fact that she had called me “good-looking”. Things were looking up so I cranked up the charm.

“So…you’ve been watching me? I’m flattered.”

“No, I wasn’t watching you. Let’s just say that I’m very aware of my surroundings and the people around me.”

She grinned and slipped the newspaper into her bag.

I laughed at how she skillfully skirted around my shameless flirtation.

“Being someone so observant, maybe you should be a cop.”

“Who says that I’m not?”

I leaned in towards her across the table and whispered, “You’re too pretty to be a cop.”

She leaned in to match my action and whispered back, “That’s a bit of a sexist thing to say and a little insulting to all the female police officers in the world. Maybe…I’m very aware of my surroundings because I’m…a psychic.”

There was a long quiet moment as we simply looked at each other. This was getting more and more interesting by the second. I was enjoying this little banter between us, chatting like we already knew each other. At this rate and if I wasn’t careful, I would quickly go from being early for work to being late.

I studied her pretty face and wondered how her skin could look so smooth when she seemed to have absolutely no make-up on.  Her “Au Naturelle” T-shirt was definitely on point. There was a sense of familiarity about her which was a bit odd because we had just met.

“A psychic, you say? Okay then, “read” me. Tell me all about me.”

She took a long sip from her coffee mug. I, on the other hand, had completely forgotten that I’d even bought myself a coffee. I took a quick swig of mine and waited for her volley back. She outstretched her hand and showed me her palm. I frowned, a little confused.

“What? What are you doing?”

She wiggled the fingers of her outstretched hand.

“Give me your hand. I’ll give you a “reading”.

I laughed again as I gave her my hand.

“How much will it cost me?”

I had started this game and she wasn’t afraid to play. I was already hooked on her.

“Not one penny.”

Her hand was smooth and soft as she slid her palm across mine. When she simply held it in hers, I no longer cared about being late for work.

“Okay Ms. Psychic?” I teased, “Tell me about my future because I could definitely see you in it.”

[Should I repost the original Part 3?]

©2016 Marquessa Matthews. All Rights Reserved.

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“New Year’s Eve In A New York State of Style”

New Year Illustration GIF by Anna

“It’s amazing to reconnect like this after all these years.”

The four of us are sitting in a corner booth of a popular bistrot in New York City on New Year’s Eve. Only someone like me could bypass this trendy bistrot’s long waiting list with a simple phone call for a last-minute reservation.

The place is beautifully decorated with Christmas lights and the sounds of sweet holiday season jazz fills the air. The din of forks against expensive dinner plates keep time with the clinking of champagne flutes and the laughter of expensively dressed patrons.

Mariah extends her hand across the dinner table and places it on mine. She still has those perfect dimples that all the boys used to adore.

I return her smile, lean in and place my other hand on top of hers.

“Yes, it is.”

Maybe for you.

Mariah turns to her fiancé.

“Rob, you know that we were best friends all throughout high school, right? We were like sisters.”

I feel Robert’s eyes roam from my face down to my cleavage in my low cut dress. His eyes linger a little too long on my breasts and then his eyes lock into mine.

“Why did the two of you lose touch?” My Mr. Right Now asks through a mouthful of gnocchi so cheesy that he’s got some on his chin. I’m a little disgusted but not enough to tell him.

Before I can think about answering, Mariah interrupts with slightly alarmed eyes.

“Oh, you know. Life gets busy and time flies.” Mariah says and gives me a pleading look that reeks of “please-don’t-explain”.

And so I don’t.

As I look at her, all I can think of are the months I spent depressed after she had taken him. A depression that almost made me flunk my first semester at college, something Mariah knew nothing about. She had left to study in Paris after using him as a summer distraction. Mariah could have had any boy back then but she had wanted mine.

Just because she could.

And for that, I would never forget and I would never forgive.

You are the one who called me out of the blue for coffee, wanting to resuscitate what was long dead and buried. And I know exactly why you suddenly want me back in your life.

“When is the big day?” I ask.

Mariah bats her long lashes at Robert and squeezes his hand. I see him wince imperceptibly.


“We’re thinking about next fall, right honey?”

Robert nods. I watch as his eyes skim down over my breasts again. He licks his dry lips before grabbing for his glass of champagne.

Very interesting.

I kick off my right Louboutin and extend my leg under the table to locate Robert’s ankle. He jumps slightly in his seat and I see the shock register on his face.

Before staring at me, Rob first glances at Mr. Right Now whose only interest lies in the contents of his plate and then to Mariah, who is now gawking over all of the celebrities in the crowd.

“Fall is a lovely time of year for a wedding,” I say and look Rob directly in the eye.

I slowly glide my naked foot along the length of Robert’s left leg and slowly repeat the languid movement.

Once. Twice. Three times. And then, I rest my foot in his lap.

Robert shifts uncomfortably in his seat. I’m not sure if he is trying to avoid my foot or get closer to it. But I quickly get my answer when I feel his hardness against my sole.

“But sometimes it can be such an unpredictable season,” I continue as Rob slowly places his champagne glass back on the table.

I watch as that same hand disappears underneath the tablecloth to massage my foot and then press it harder against him.

“You should come…come to the wedding, I mean,” Rob says as he kneads my foot. 

I’m amused at how his voice cracks over that one word. Rob kneads my foot a little harder and I continue smiling.

“Since you are asking Rob, of course I would love to come to your wedding! How could I refuse coming for you…I mean, the two of you?’

I have your man at my feet…literally.

A lot could change between this New Year’s Eve and a fall wedding. And I plan on making it as interesting as I want…just because I can.

©2016 Marquessa Matthews. All Rights Reserved.Save







“Two Can Play That Game” – The Beginning

A strong cup of hot black coffee was the only thing I wanted until I saw her.

Like everyone else standing in the queue, I needed my morning caffeine fix so I decided to stop at the first coffee shop on my way to the office.

For the first time that week, I was actually early for work. But that was only because Brittany had kept me up for most of the night and I had never really gone to bed. When I’d picked her up from the airport the night before, she had wanted to make up for lost time, lots of lost time. I was glad that I had no meetings that day because I knew that when the wave of tiredness eventually hit me, it would hit hard. Right then, all I wanted was to sit and enjoy my coffee in peace before starting my work day.

With my cup in hand, I scanned the coffee shop for an empty table but there were none to be found. If I really wanted to sit, I’d have to do it by joining someone at their table. I took a minute to assess my situation.

Two nerdy guys sitting in the far corner with their noses almost pressed against their laptop screens?

A gaggle of loud teenagers who looked too young to drink coffee?


And no.

Three cute but young twenty-something women in a corner booth giggling and giving me the flirting eyes?

I smiled at them and they all smiled back.

Yes, sitting with them was the only way to go.

Until my eyes landed on her.

Sitting alone at a table for two, dressed in black yoga pants, wearing a bright mauve T-shirt with “Au Naturelle” printed on the front and a black hoodie, she stood out among the business attire and teenage trendy school wear.

Her dark curls were in a messy ponytail, a pair of glasses dangled dangerously from just above her forehead and she was sipping from a large mug as she flipped through a newspaper. The way she slowly took her time to peruse the page and the fact that she had a mug instead of a to-go cup meant that she wasn’t going anywhere in a hurry.

I watched as a smile spread across her face at whatever it was that she was reading. When she picked up her cell to check the time, she glanced around just enough for me to get a perfect view of her face.

I immediately wanted to know what shade of brown her eyes were and what I would need to do to kiss her.

As I passed my “threesome” with a nod of acknowledgement, I noticed their looks of disappointment.

But I was on a mission.

I walked up to her table and positioned myself in such a way for her to notice me. But when she didn’t, I had no choice but to break the ice.

“Hey! This place is pretty crowded. Would you mind if I sit with you?”

She graced me with the warmest of warm dark brown eyes and her smile could have lit up the entire coffee shop.

“Be my guest. But you might regret it…”

She motioned for me to sit and I promptly accepted.

“With a smile that beautiful smile, regret would be impossible.”

©2016 Marquessa Matthews. All Rights Reserved.

“When I’m Bad, I’m Better”

It was dark and past 2am but I knew it was Jake from the way his jeans hugged the back of his ass.

Hot Jake.

He was just sitting there at the back exit of the club, straddling a big, powerful motorcycle between his legs and seeing him poised like that gave me vivid images of him between mine.

Sizzling hot Jake.

Illuminated by the glow of the street lamp, Jake was waiting for someone and that someone was definitely me.

Since I’d rescued him from that nasty beat down and I’d helped him mend, I hadn’t spoken to him or returned his texts. I knew that he’d been sniffing around the club a few times over the past few weeks, trying to bump into me but I purposely hadn’t given him the chance.

Sure, I’d seen him from backstage and the girls had been quick to tell me that he’d been asking about me. But I decided to let him simmer and stew. He could continue trying to chase me down until I was good and ready to be caught.

If Jake really wanted to see me, he’d find a way to come and get me. And as usual, I was right. Waiting for me to surface from the back exit after work was his way of making things happen.

Smart sizzling hot Jake.

Before Jake could notice me, I put my game face on, shook my hair out of its ponytail and just for the fun of it, I unbuttoned an extra button from my top to reveal a little extra skin. Then I walked right past him.


His thick deep voice immediately made my lady bits tingle and I knew that my plan to make him work for it wouldn’t last very long. I stopped, turned slowly and pretended to be surprised.

“Gabriella, where have you been hiding?”

“Hiding isn’t my style. I’m just a busy girl Jake.”

“Too busy to spare a few minutes of your time for me?”

Jake raked back on the bike and folded his arms, a smile spreading across his face.

“That all depends. Right now, I’m a busy girl who is very tired and needs to go to bed.”

As I started to walk away, Jake outstretched his hand and slowly held me back by the elbow. Of course, I let him stop me. I was looking forward to that smile being my downfall.

“Now that sounds like a good idea.”Jake’s voice oozed with heat and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Hop on and let me give you a ride. It’s too dark for you to be walking alone. This is not exactly the best of neighborhoods.”

“If you haven’t noticed, I can handle myself quite well Jake.”

I placed my hands on my hips and tilted my head to the side, knowing that my hair would fall seductively over the side of my face. It was a move that always succeeded in getting me what I wanted to have.

Jake’s eyes immediately slowly slid over the length of my body, down to the tips of my French manicured toes, back up to my ample cleavage and then rested on my mouth. When Jake ran his tongue over his lips, I knew that it was involuntary and exactly what he was thinking. I wanted to do the same.

“I’m more than capable of handling you Gabriella.”

Yummy, yum, yum. This man could definitely get me to…

“I’m not so sure about that. Only time will tell if I decide to give you the time of day.”

Jake shook his head and let go of my arm.

“You are bad girl Gabriella.”

“Well, when I’m good, I’m bad and when I’m bad, I’m better…”

“Is that what you say about yourself?”

Now it was turn to fold my arms and shake my head.

“No, but that’s what other people say about me. Life is so much more interesting when I’m bad”.

“So you’re refusing to take my ride?” Jake asked again. He was making me all sorts of hot and making me want some not-so-innocent fun.

“What type of ride are you offering me?” I asked, getting close enough to smell his cologne.

“Gabriella, I didn’t mean it like that,” Jake said, suddenly looking a little embarrassed that I had sexified his words. He shifted uncomfortably on the bike seat. “I was just joking around.”

I’m not joking.”

I let my bag fall to the ground and my fingers found themselves gathering up the oversized white shirt that hid my short skirt. I almost cracked up at his shocked expression as he stared down at what my fingers were doing. Before Jake could wrap his head around what was happening, I threw a leg over the bike and straddle it just like him. The only difference was that I made sure to face him so that we were up close and very personal. Face to face, bodies just inches apart.

I placed both of my palms on his chest to balance myself and inched my body a little closer, thinking how strong his muscles felt through his shirt. Then, I slipped my arms around his waist and crushed my chest against his.

Don’t look for what you thought you wanted to find… unless you know that you can handle it,” I purred into his ear. “But if this is the kind of ride you’re offering Jake, I’ll gladly take it…If you can handle me.”

©2016 Marquessa Matthews. All Rights Reserved.

“Let It Snow”

China Snow GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY


“Hey Sweetheart.”

The blur of the man who grabbed my arm was unexpected. I spun around, lost my balance and slammed my shoulder hard against the wall.

When I had drifted out of the ladies changing room, the last voice I had expected to hear saying my name was his. But from the way he stood and stared down at me from his large frame, he looked pleased with himself that he had finally tracked me down.

Don’t show your fear.

No, I refused to show Daniel how startled I was.

As I took a deep breath, I remembered the day we had first met just like it was yesterday. A few Christmases ago, it hadn’t taken long to fall in love with the man he had pretended to be. But it had felt like forever to disentangle myself from the evil man he truly was.

My feet were cemented to the floor and my shoulder burned with soreness.

“Daniel, how did you find me? I told you to leave me alone!”

“Look, I’ve given you more than enough time to come to your senses. I miss you. I love you.”

“Well, the feeling is not mutual. What part of no don’t you understand?”

“You can’t just stop loving someone after a few months.” He lowered his voice when two women exiting the changing room gave us an odd look.

“Are you okay?” one of them asked me as the other one hung back.

“She’s fine. Mind your own fucking business!” he growled at her. From the way the two women kept looking back at me, I knew that they were headed to the security desk.

“You aren’t worthy of being with me…you never were nor will you ever be. It would have to snow in hell before I ever gave you another chance.”

I tried my best to put on my game face and a firm voice. The fake smile on his face vanished and his grip tightened on my arm as I heard hurried steps of more than one person echoing towards us.

“Well then sweetheart…” he said, squeezing the circulation from my arm. “Let it snow.”

All Rights Reserved ©2017 Marquessa Matthews


“Lord of the Files”

James Cameron Movie GIF

“We haven’t taken a break together in forever. Care to join me for a quick walk?”

Bruno appeared out of nowhere at my desk.

Yeah, I could take a break but I don’t want to take it with you…

I’d been avoiding him for weeks but now that he had put me on the spot, I had no choice.

“Uh, yeah. Sure.”

Bruno shoved his hands into his pockets and waited for me to grab my purse and my coffee. I followed him outside and as we passed a group of colleagues, they laughed and yelled out, “Lord!” which always made me think of how they yelled “Norm” in those reruns of “Cheers”.

“That’s your fault you know,” Bruno waved at them and smiled, shaking his head at me.

“I know. Sorry.”

Lord of the Files” was what everyone had started calling Bruno since he had joined the company as the new caseload manager and I had made the mistake of calling him that in a meeting. Unfortunately, the nickname had stuck but when Bruno had found out, all he had done was laugh it off and thank me for not calling him something much worse. Then he had invited me to the break room for a coffee.

To be honest, Bruno was more like “master of the files because not only did he have the gift of assigning just the right amount of files to keep us busy without feeling stressed out, but he was also the nice guy that everyone adored. Always smiling, goodnatured and witty, everyone had taken a liking to him, especially the ladies. Married or single, they were all over Bruno like white on rice and flies on shit.

Oh, did I forget to tell you that besides all that other tasty stuff, Bruno was also cute?

Actually, that was a lie because Bruno was more than cute.

Let me explain…

You know the kind of guy you think is “cute” until you discover that he likes all the same little things that you do and then he suddenly goes from being “cute” to “hot”?

Yeah, you know the kind of “hot” that makes him “smokin’ hot” because he has no clue just how cute he really is and always turns beet red at a compliment?

Yeah, Bruno was that guy.

The girls at the office had laughed at me for saying that I wanted to see the new Wonder Woman movie but when Bruno said the same thing a few hours later and BAZINGA! Suddenly their panties were in a twist and they all wanted to see it too. Funny how their attitudes changed in a heartbeat, right?

No one thought that Bruno was geeky because of his love for all things science fiction and that’s basically how we first started hanging out together on break. Talking about all things Comicon and debating DC versus Marvel while everyone looked at us as if we were speaking Klingon – which we probably could have if we had really tried.

I mean, in the beginning, I didn’t have a problem with talking with him but then I started getting those crazy butterflies in my stomach whenever I was around him…The kind of butterflies that made my face feel hot and my hands all sweaty.

And that’s when I knew that I had to kill my silly crush and start keeping my distance from Bruno.

I didn’t have much of a choice. It was just a matter of time before he’d end up going out with one of of the pretty girls from the office. Believe me, there were tons of them just waiting for him to ask. And when it happened, I didn’t want to be totally crushed. If it had been a competition, I wouldn’t even have passed the prerequisites for a guy like him.

The story of my shitty geeky life.

“What are you thinking about so hard?”

I suddenly realized that I was deep into my own thoughts and not been listening to him.

“Sorry, I’m a little distracted, that’s all.”

Bruno stopped and faced me. I immediately felt awkward as he stared down at me.

“Are you mad at me or something?”

“No. Not at all,” I lied.

Yeah, I’m a little mad that you’re so perfect.

“I feel like you’ve been avoiding me. I kind of miss taking breaks together.”

Bruno’s words surprised me and the more I stared at his dimples, the worse my butterflies got.


“Do you mind if I ask you a question?”

I nodded and waited.

“Well, there’s this girl that I’m thinking about asking out…”

My heart dropped into my stomach, killing every last butterfly that I had. I knew that it was only a matter of time and I was instantly jealous.

“Oh? Who is it?” I was dying of curiosity and was doing an awful job of hiding it.

Bruno shook his head. “That doesn’t matter right now. I just want your opinion on how to approach her.”

“Why are you asking me?”

“Well, you are always the one pointing out girls that are supposedly interested in me so why not ask you?”

Bruno had a valid point.

When he first arrived at the company and in an attempt to find out what his “type” was, I would nonchalantly point out some of our female co-workers and ask him if he thought they were cute, just to see what he would say. Instead, Bruno would simply agree that whoever she was was pretty and then change the topic. Which made me think that he wasn’t into the ladies. It wasn’t until I starting pointing out men to him that he let me know that he was attracted to women.

“I’m asking you because I’m not sure if she would say yes. To be honest, I’m a bit terrified that she may turn me down. If she did, then it would be totally embarrassing to see her every day at the office after that.”

Fuck, the girl was in our division. And why the hell would he be terrified?

I made an attempt to start walking again but when his feet didn’t move, I stayed put on the sidewalk trying to look him in the eye.

“You shouldn’t be worried. If she were to turn you down, it would be her loss. You’re a great catch Bruno,” I said, immediately wishing that I hadn’t said that last part. I could feel my face turning ten shades of red. “Unless, she already has a boyfriend.”

Please, please, please God, let this girl have a boyfriend.

“No, she doesn’t,” Bruno confirmed, shoving his hands deep into his pockets again.


“Oh? How do you know that?”

If Bruno already knew, it meant that he had already been talking to this girl about more than work.

I hate this girl already.

“She told me so not too long ago.”

My stomach flipped a little more.

He’s been talking to her and he never said anything…

In that moment, I hated him too…well, just a little.

“What makes you think that she would turn you down?”

“I was going to ask her out to a movie but the timing hasn’t been right.” This time it was Bruno’s turn to look embarrassed.

I shrugged my shoulders. “Come on Bruno, it’s not that hard. Just take her aside and ask her straight up. Make the timing right.”

I turned on my heels as a way to signal that we needed to head back to the office.

“Wait, I’ve got one more question,” Bruno said, holding me back my arm.

Fuck. One had been more than enough.

“What is it? We’re going to be late,” I said, sounding a lot more annoyed than I should have.

“I already did the first part of what you said…I mean, the taking her aside part. Now, I just have to ask her if she’d like to go see the new Avatar with me this weekend.”

Avatar? Was Bruno kidding?

“Uh…that’s a pretty horrible movie choice. None of the girls in our division would really want to see that. Hell, I’m about the only one who would.”

Bruno kept his hold on my arm and I saw him take a deep breath.

“I know you would. That’s why I’m asking you. Would you like to go to the movie with me this weekend?”

It wasn’t until I saw a sheepish smile spread across his face did I really understand that he was asking me.

Fuck. I hadn’t seen that coming…

All Rights Reserved ©2017 Marquessa Matthews.